Dear Relena...
by Lady Priscilla Violet Regina
Summary: Barely suggests something that doesn't need to be read by children. But I don't think children are reading these, are they? -.ó Anyway...this is a funny fic about Heero trying to write a letter to Relena to express his feelings for her. It's sweet, very


Dear Relena...

By: Priscilla, notorious for interesting humour and definitely different fics!

Disclaimer: I own the pen used to write this fic with, and the paper it was written on, but...well, let's say that the characters aren't exactly...mine. Gomen nasai!

Warnings: Heero gets a little...upset and frustrated, but it's funny! I hope you like it! Oh, slightly suggests...a reaction a boy gets when he really likes a girl *wink wink* but in a humourous way!

FYI: Italics are what he writes on the letter, 'words' are thoughts, and, of course, "words" are what he says!

_Dear Relena,_

Heero frowned. 'That's not right.'

__

Miss Peacecraft:

'That's not right either, dammit! Too formal...Maybe I should go with the _Dear Relena_ one...no, it just doesn't look right!' Heero's conscious and subconscious argued as he continually wrote and scratched out greetings on blank pieces of paper. Finally, smiling, he decided on one, dipped his feather pen again, and started on a clean sheet of paper.

_Relena..._

'Now what?' he wondered, dark eyebrows furrowing over his deep blue eyes, which sparkled in intense thought.

_I really_

'She had better realize how hard this is for me...'

__

like

He scowled. He couldn't just come out and say it...could he? No! Of course not!

Crumpling up that piece of loose leaf, he reached for another and wrote the greeting again.

_Relena..._

He bit the bottom of his lip, chewing on it until he felt the warm trickle of salty liquid on his taste buds. Sticking out the tip of his tongue, he touched the blood with his index finger, bringing his hand up to analyze it. Snorting, he wiped the juice on his tank top and continued his previous task.

_How are you doing? Good, I hope._

'Hey...' he thought with excitement. Or, rather, what he perceived as what excitement would feel like. 'That's...acceptable...to a certain degree.' Picking up his pen again, he continued.

_I'm am doing acceptable at the moment. If you're wondering. Which you're probably not._

"Shimatta!" Heero cursed, starting to crumple his fourth attempt at a letter while reaching for another sheet of paper. Then, he realized he had none left. Not one. And it was one in the morning. There wouldn't be any stores open.

Relena had to get this letter tomorrow. He was leaving that following night for space. She had to know how he felt before then.

"Kuso!" he cursed again, trying smooth the wrinkled paper. Luckily for him, the ink hadn't smeared. Yet.

He swiped his hand across the paper, flattening it out the best he could, when he noticed that he had just smeared every mark made by his pen across the paper. And, now, the palm of his hand had black streaks across it.

Narrowing his eyes at the offending writing utensil, he searched his desk drawers for a pencil.

"Success!" he shouted, clicking the lead button on the plastic apparatus. No lead came out. Frowning, he opened the top and inverted the mechanical pencil, and waited for something fall out.

And waited.

And waited.

And...waited.

Suddenly hurling the pencil across the room, he sat with his elbows on the desk and forehead in his palms. Then, he remember the black streaks on his left hand.

Touching his forehead with his right hand, he felt the sticky ink embedded in his pores and sighed.

'This is going to be tougher than I thought.'

Not even bothering to look in a mirror, Heero once again picked up his pen, scowling at it, and began to write.

_Please excuse the mess, Relena...I'm not having the best of luck while writing this._

He sighed again. At least that sounded halfway decent.

_The real reason behind this letter is not to find out how you're doing but..._

'Wait. Then she'll think I don't care about how she's doing...'

_Wait. I mean, it's not that I don't care but..._

"How hard can it be to write one stupid letter?!"

_Okay, forget _everything_ I've said. Except the heading of the letter. That's the only good part. And the excuse for all the ink paper and poor state this paper's in. That's okay too. And I do care about how you're doing...really I do._

He paused and reread all that had been written so far, and debated whether or not to just rip it all up and forget it. 'No...I've come this far. I might as well finish and complete my mission. Only a coward aborts when he feels defeated, not when he really is.'

_What this letter is about is this._

Now, the really hard part. How was he supposed to tell her exactly how he felt about her when...he didn't know exactly how he felt about her. He really had no clue. All he knew was that when he thought about her, it produced many reactions. Most noticeable of which was the increased pressure between his legs. Most important, though? How his heart seemed to stop beating...How he had to remind himself to breathe every once in a while. But how could he put that in words?

_Relena..._

He decided to state each one of his reactions and let her decide.

_This is what happens when I think about you. First of all, I seem to have an increase in sexually-related hormones in my reproductive area. Second, my heart decides to stop beating, or get off it's rhythm, a very odd occurrence. And thirdly...I forget to breathe. Literally. My brain stops telling my mouth and lungs to work together and inhale. So I, my conscious self, am forced to remind those organs, making my thoughts trail from you. Which upsets me, I think. I don't know what all of this means. Perhaps you can tell me. I leave tomorrow at midnight for space._

-Heero

Sighing, the Perfect Soldier didn't bother reading over what he had written. It didn't matter anymore, he just wanted to get it in an envelope and delivered. Finding the appropriate sending items, Heero adorned the envelope with what was necessary and made his way to bed.

Another day when by, and soon he was on a shuttle leaving for space, when an alert popped up on his lap top screen.

"You have mail"

Opening the email, he saw it was a letter from Relena.

_Heero:_

What an...interesting letter. I am doing wonderful, and I am glad you are doing...acceptable. I've analyzed your symptoms and I think I know the cause of such reactions.

You love me.

-Relena

P.S.

I love you too.

Then, it dawned on him.

"I could have sent her an email!"

-Owari


End file.
